Oh, don’t go there, he said, you surely will die!
They’ll tear you to pieces and eat you alive.
The mountains are dang’rous, the woods full of teeth
‘Sides, how could you live there, and what will you eat?
Why, there ain’t no cable, no web and no phone
If you even make it then we’ll never know.
Just stay here, it’s safer. Forget consequence.
Pretending all’s right here will salve your conscience.
What use is a chicken? What gives with that cow?
And why do you garden? There’s groceries now.
If doom is still coming, I’ll meet it right here
Parked in my plush, leather, retractable chair.
Well, damned if I’m worried, and damned if I ain’t
‘Cause God’s gonna rapture near all of his saints.
And you, with your critters, up deep in them woods
Will regret your praying and leaving the Hoods.
But, give me your addy, a map, and the route. . .
If I’m out of vittles, I might come on out.